Book Review: Autism in Heels by Jennifer Cook

 

"I've been called names my whole life long.  They've been among the identities I saw in the mirror and wondered at the fit.  Then came a new name: autistic.  And that one has changed everything about everything" ––Autism in Heels (page xix), Jennifer Cook (O'Toole), 2018

I read this book over a year ago, but I wanted to write about my experience with reading it.  

I started reading Autism in Heels (2018) in early 2024.  I bought it summer of 2023 thinking I would read it immediately, but it took me a few months to start reading it.  (I'm glad I waited).  

As I've grown in my advocacy journey over the last 2.5 years, I feel like reading this book helped me learn about the perspective of a late-diagnosed female on the autism spectrum.  I've been curious to figure out why autism is so missed amongst girls/female/women and I hope to continue on my personal research quest on this. 

If you have not picked up this book, I HIGHLY recommend reading it.  Jennifer Cook is the modern day Temple Grandin in my eyes.  Even though Temple and Jennifer are not similar personality wise, I feel like they both contribute so much to the autism community. Jennifer Cook is an American author, autism advocate, and on-camera expert for Netflix’s Love on the Spectrum US. Diagnosed with autism in 2011, she has written several bestselling books—including Autism in Heels and the Asperkids series—drawing from her personal experiences to promote neurodiversity and support autistic individuals worldwide.  


"Everybody wants to feel like a success.  And we, on the spectrum, have often had more than our fair share of unexpected "mess ups," leading to more than our fair share of teasing, rejection, and insults." ––Autism in Heels, page 218, 2018.

Throughout the book, Jennifer talks about her experience about what it has been like with being a late diagnosed autistic female.  She was only 35 when she was diagnosed.  Her children's autism diagnoses became the reason why she is now an advocate and author promoting positivity on autism.

I haven't read this book in a year.  However, I'll say this, Jennifer Cook is a certified genius who gives her readers a peek into her personal journey.  The book is 244 pages long, so if you're looking for an easy read and are curious about her journey, give her a read.

Even though I didn't know about my diagnosis until I was about 24 or 25 and was officially diagnosed at 18 (with the questions of "does she have Aspergers' cause she acts like it?!...Nah she can't!" from the doctors as I was a girl growing up in the 2000s-2010s).  It has been one hell of a journey!  Looking back, it all makes sense why I struggled with keeping friends, why I tried so hard to focus in school and in jobs, why I tried to fit into the "popular kids" circle, my need for (mostly) negative attention (negative sensory input), and many more.  It's hard growing up feeling like an outcast and not knowing why you are the outcast.  I masked a lot of my autism growing up (or so it felt like).  Reading this book helped me feel like I am not alone and that all I needed to do was to know who I am and quit pretending to be someone whom I sat next to in history class in middle school and copied personality traits off of...because THAT is how I masked! THAT is how I tried to fit in was by reading vibes off of people socially and copying how they acted so that I could fit in.  Part of me feels like that was a waste of time and I should've known who I was (but who does at that age)...another part of me wonders what life would be like if I didn't waste my time trying to mimic a classmates social personality. 

I really want to read this book again sometime soon now!

I asked ChatGPT to help me compile 10 themes that surround this book:

  1. Late Diagnosis: Jennifer was diagnosed with autism at 35, after her three children were identified as being on the spectrum. This revelation helped her make sense of lifelong feelings of being different.

  2. Masking and Camouflaging: She explores how autistic women often hide their traits to fit societal expectations, leading to emotional exhaustion and a loss of authentic self.

  3. The "Chick-List" Traits: Cook identifies common characteristics among autistic women, such as internalizing emotions, challenges in female friendships, and a strong affinity for animals.

  4. Executive Functioning Challenges: She discusses difficulties in planning, organization, and emotional regulation, comparing executive functioning to orchestrating a complex production.

  5. Sensory Sensitivities: Cook describes experiences of sensory overload and synesthesia, highlighting how these intense perceptions impact daily life. 

  6. Vulnerability to Abuse: The memoir sheds light on how autistic women are more susceptible to abusive relationships due to difficulties in interpreting social signals and establishing boundaries.

  7. Misdiagnosis and Underdiagnosis: She discusses the frequent misdiagnosis or late diagnosis of autism in women, as their symptoms often differ from the stereotypical male presentation. 

  8. Emotional Intensity: Cook emphasizes the deep empathy and emotional experiences of autistic women, challenging the misconception that they lack emotional depth.

  9. Self-Harm and Mental Health: She openly discusses struggles with self-harm and mental health issues, advocating for greater awareness and support.

  10. Embracing Neurodiversity: Ultimately, Cook advocates for embracing neurodiversity, encouraging autistic individuals to accept and celebrate their unique perspectives.

Autism in Heels offers an insightful look into the experiences of autistic women, challenging stereotypes and promoting acceptance. It's a valuable resource for anyone interested in understanding the diverse manifestations of autism.

Reading Autism in Heels gave me language about myself as well as my autism for things I didn’t know how to explain before based on my own personal experiences. Jennifer Cook’s story helped me realize that I’m not alone in how I’ve felt growing up—trying to fit in, masking who I was, and wondering why everything felt just a little harder. Her words reminded me that being different isn’t wrong; it’s just different. And different can be powerful.

Whether you’re autistic yourself, know someone who is, or just want to understand more about the female experience of autism, this book is an honest, empowering, and insightful read. I’m grateful I picked it up when I did, and I’ll carry its lessons with me as I keep learning, unmasking, and growing.




Link to Purchase Autism in Heels (Amazon)




If you would like to reach out to me, my email inbox is always open: alyssa.onthespectrum@gmail.com .  You can also find me on social media through my advocacy pages (TikTok & Instagram) @neurospicyblondie.


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