What Can I Control?

 

What is control?  The psychology definition of the word control is a person's ability or perception of their ability to affect themselves, others, their conditions, their environment or some other circumstance. Control over oneself or others can extend to the regulation of emotions, thoughts, actions, impulses, memory, attention or experiences.  

As an autistic individual, control can be a hard concept to manage.  Here's the thing, we have a realm of what we can and can't control.  Think of reacting to your emotions like reacting to the weather, but with a proper balance.  I don't like the snow, especially when it is dangerous.  I can't control how much or when it snows outside.  HOWEVER, I can control how I react to the snow.  I can be mad OR I can be prepared.  I can go out wearing shorts and a tank top and risk freezing my butt off OR I can wear my warmest set of clothes so I can regulate the warmth in my body that the weather isn't providing.   The same thing can go for how we react to sensory input in the environment and how others act.  Let's say you go on a date with someone and they end up wanting to do things that you aren't comfortable with.  What CAN YOU DO???  Well, since you aren't comfortable, you CAN ADVOCATE for yourself by saying "no" or doing things that can help you avoid this matter.  

Knowing what you can and cannot control is important.  Sometimes on the spectrum, we can be "blind" to this concept.  Sometimes we just end up giving into others controlling us.  We have the ability, regardless of where we live, to control how we react to certain situations.

How can we learn about our ability to control our emotions?  We can set boundaries.  We can have things that help us to regulate our emotional capabilities so that we don't embarrass ourselves, we don't loose friends, and/or we can try the best we can to fit into society.  The image below are some suggestions on how we can effectively regulate our emotions.  

  

If this is something you need to work on, talk to a trusted support team such as a therapist who can help you to learn how to regulate your reactions.