Are You a Rigid Thinker or Flexible Thinker?

 Have you ever wanted to change a little?  Have you ever been stuck so far into a routine that even the slightest of change causes you to feel stressed and anxious?  Well, guess what!??  You don't have to feel like this!  I have AuDHD and my ADHD side doesn't like routine. REMEMBER: It's okay to have rigid thinking.  You can have a balance.  Figuring out that sweet spot is up to you.  However, if you want to grow, you must learn how.

People with Autism thrive on rigidity in their routines, thoughts, food, and other things too (depending on the person).  When I was younger, I ALWAYS had to eat scrambled eggs for breakfast or an Eggo Waffle with cream cheese and bananas.  Here's the thing: after a while, it got to the point where my ADHD took over and was like "I'm getting sick of having the same things over and over again for breakfast!".  As much as I love having the same thing over and over again, I also don't.  Luckily this is an easy part of MY AuDHD.  I understand that a lot of people with autism struggle with change.  

I've trained my brain that it's okay to adapt to change because that's what animals do...ADAPT to their environment.  Like I said, everything is about balance and finding how to hack it.  An example of this would be meals.  If I find myself loving a meal too much, I remind myself that I don't want to get sick of it.  So, I tell myself that I can only have it at least once a week.  I can't have it two days in a row or I will get used to the routine and then it'll become a hyperfixated routine that will become an exhausted routine eventually.  

Let's use a scenario:

Kate's mom packs her a PB&J sandwich for school everyday.  One day, Kate's mom was in a hurry to get out the door and noticed that there wasn't enough time to go to the store to make Kate's PB&J sandwich.  So, Kate's mom found some ham, cheese and some mayonnaise in the fridge that she uses for her own lunches.  Kate didn't notice this until she got to lunch time.  She took a bite of her sandwich and made a face.  "THIS ISN'T MY PB&J SANDWICH!!!" Kate starts to panic and cry.  It's not that she doesn't like ham & cheese, its just that her routine was changed and it startled her.   This one moment, impacted Kate's way of thinking.  For months Kate was worried that she would never get her daily PB&J sandwich for lunches.  She would make sure her mom made her a PB&J sandwich for lunch.  Kate's mom felt guilty because if she messed up again, Kate would have a severe meltdown.  Kate's mom signed her up for therapy.  The therapist told Kate's mom that she had nothing to worry about.  Kate has rigid thinking and it's not her fault!  Kate and Kate's mom's therapist told Kate that change can be scary and anxiety inducing.   She assured them that it's normal to be worried about what's going to happen with the future if something unexpected happens that we can't control.  The therapist told Kate that the Ham & Cheese sandwich didn't hurt her.  It was different stimuli than she was used to for lunch.  The therapist challenged Kate's mom to make a PB&honey sandwich for a week , then change the kind of jelly or jam that she uses for the PB&J sandwiches.  (Basically change one ingredient ever so slightly.) She then told Kate's mom that if it goes well, to make the usual PB&J sandwich as a surprise and give it to Kate at some point.  Another thing the therapist recommended was for Kate's mom to make Kate's school lunches exciting in a visual way.  If she gave her fish sticks, Kate's mom told her that those were dragon sticks or they were special wands.   By the end of the school year, Kate's daily PB&J sandwich routine became a sporadic event.  

This is an example of converting and transitioning rigid thoughts to flexible thoughts.  Like Kate's therapist said, it's OKAY to go with change.  

The chart below compares flexible and rigid thinking:

Think of it this way.  Picture a river like the one below.  The way that time and life moves is the flow of the river.  When socializing or when you are stuck in those rigid thoughts or lifestyle.  That's an example of a social barrier.  if someone tries to move it so that the flow of time and change can't disturb it, it can cause a possible meltdown.  We can still be in control of the mental dam or barrier that we built.  Change is natural and normal.  The more rigid we become, the harder it will be for us to not let change wear us down.  

Watch Sheldon Cooper as he gets mad at Penny for sitting in his seat in the video below.  She's not hurting him or anyone, she's just sitting there.  However, it makes Sheldon upset.  Sheldon's personality and thinking in this scene is very rigid.  This is from the first episode, so since Penny doesn't know Sheldon yet, it comes off a little controlling making her feel uncomfortable.  While it's funny to watch, this actually happens when you come across someone who is autistic who has rigid thinking.  Something came into Sheldon's environment causing it to change, which made him upset and also made him feel like he had to explain why that seat was his preference.  We can teach Sheldon that even though he bought the couch, that one seat, isn't reserved for him.  If he wants Penny to like him as a friend and to be around him, he can give up his seat to her until she gets up and leaves.  Leonard enables Sheldon instead of assuring him that he can sit elsewhere until he was done explain.     

Now that we've discussed this a little bit more, let's go over some tips.

That's all for me for today!  Happy Wednesday!! 

If you would like to reach out to me, my email inbox is always open: alyssa.onthespectrum@gmail.com .  You can also find me on social media through my advocacy pages (TikTok & Instagram) @neurospicyblondie.