Routines & Me

 Get up for the day, stretch, get dressed, eat breakfast, walk the dog, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch some TV. read a book, go to bed.  That's a routine, right!?  Routine.  A word that is common for many autistics of any part of the spectrum.  The word, routine is defined as a regular series of events/activities that one has in their schedule.

Routine can look different for an individual on the autism spectrum.  For me, my schedule depends on what I have going on that day/week.   I try my best to be productive given the circumstances with how my brain operates.  I've come a long way with myself.  Sometimes it can be hard to motivate myself, but if I let the part of my brain that wants motivation to win, I will never succeed.  Yes, motivation isn't bad, but if it's the only way you are able to get out of bed or be productive, it isn't the best mindset. 

Autism Acceptance Day

It's April 2nd, 2024!

You can say it is important or unimportant to celebrate something as momentous as having a disability!  For people on the autism spectrum, it can be hard to learn how to cope with their autism.  Having a day to say, "I have a day where I can celebrate me as well as people like me!"   

Here's the thing! Some people on the spectrum aren't really comfortable with sharing their diagnosis with others.  Some are!  It depends on where you are at.  Another thing too, is many times when you have someone with autism, there tends to be people who are unaware of their autism or unaware of how they can help accommodate for their needs with being on the spectrum.

Okay, okay!  You might be reading this and asking or wondering this, "well, what if I don't necessarily know all about autism?"  I will tell you this, informing yourself about what autism is and the history behind the diagnosis can help a lot.

What you need to know is that in 1943, Austrian-American psychologist, Leo Kanner did a study on 11 children who showed unique behavioral patterns.  One of them being none other than Donald Triplett (1933-2023).  Donald Triplett was the FIRST PERSON DIAGNOSED ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM IN 1943.  You can say, "Alyssa, autism has been around longer than 1943".  While you're right about that, the first DIAGNOSIS was in 1943.  While there's most likely been people in the past history of the world who have had autism, we were able to "categorize" and kind of label these kinds of behaviors in individuals.  This can be like diagnosing someone with ADHD or someone who has problems with hearing or walking.  In my experience, labeling yourself in a healthy way can help you learn more about yourself and become self-aware.  Learning about autism and how BROAD and diverse it is and can be, has helped me to be able to learn about myself as well as learning about how I can see some of my behavioral and social patterns in others on the spectrum that I communicate with.

Since autism is fairly new, there tends to be a challenge in diagnosing females. The first female who received a diagnosis (and someone whom I would LOVE to meet one day) is Temple Grandin (b. 1947).  She was first diagnosed at the age of 4 after receiving word that she had "brain damage" at the age of 2.  Temple is a living legend for people on the autism spectrum. She still advocates today for autism rights.

What is Neurodiversity? A Super Power?

What is neurodiversity?  To me, being neurodiverse means that my brain is wired differently.  What a lot of people do not know, is that disorders such as: ADHD, dyslexia, Autism Spectrum Disorder, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, and Tourette's Syndrome are part of an umbrella term of neurodiversity.  Many people associate these "disabilities" as struggles, but that's not how I see it.  

Person #1 has ADHD and has challenges with focusing on daily tasks.  Where as person #2 who was diagnosed with autism, struggles with communicating their thoughts and feelings with others.  The people who know person #1, share that person #1 has a lot of energy whenever they are with person #1.  The people who know person #2, share that person #2 knows a lot of information about the history of art.  While person 1 & 2 have challenges and struggles that prevent them from living "normal" lives, they have strengths that others that they know have seen in them.  These are like their superpowers.  Take Spider-Man for example (very common example, I know).  Spider-Man has strengths such as climbing up walls, swinging from building-to-building, and using his spidey sense.  He also struggles with losing people he loves, which can be considered as a weakness.

Autism in Neurodiversity: The Super Power

Most of the time, people who are neurodiverse don't "look" the way that their "disability" is perceived by others.  Up until I was diagnosed with autism, I was told that I didn't present the standard autism behavior.  I can make eye contact, I can interact with people and hold decent conversations, and my interests were considered to be "normal".  The term "autism" hasn't been around for long.  The first time the word "autism" was recognized in 1943, but was not mentioned as a diagnosis in the first two versions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).  The DSM-III defined "autism" as a "pervasive developmental disorder".  The DSM-IV (1994) designated 3 domains of autism: social interaction, communication, and restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and/or activities.  The DSM-5, which was published in 2013, changed the domains from three to two.  It combined social interaction and communication with one another.  

 

The DSM-5 also stated that there are 3 levels of autism.  The graphic below discusses the three levels.

If you are reading this and you are either on the Autism Spectrum OR have yet to be diagnosed, I encourage you to take action.  Learn more about yourself AND how being diagnosed can benefit you as well as the interactions you have with those around you!

Until next time, bye!

The Challenge of Dating on the Spectrum

 Love on the Spectrum: A Show That Showcases Autism and Finding Romantic Partners

Has anyone seen this amazing show Love on the Spectrum: US or Australia on Netflix?  Don't know what it's about?  Well, in a nutshell, it is about a journey of adults on the Autism Spectrum and their experiences with dating and/or dealing with being in relationships.  I have been watching this show with my dad for a month now.  We were able to binge the U.S. version all the way through and now, we are on he Australian version.  

Why is this show important to me as well as other adults with ASD?  It showcases adults on the spectrum who are at different places in life and with their autisms.  It shows that no matter how "severe" your autism diagnosis is, you can still find love.  

If you have not seen it, I HIGHLY recommend watching it!  In the U.S. version, the autism expert that they use, wrote the book Autism in Heels that I started reading last year and finished recently.  Her name is Jennifer Cook.  She was diagnosed with ASD as an adult in her 30s in 2013(?) (sorry Jennifer if you are reading this and I got this information wrong!).  She helped the people on the show get over hurdles and talk about the challenges that they face when it comes to dating with ASD.  She gives GOOD advice to those on the show and it helped me gain confidence with my autism.

Above, is a trailer for Love on the Spectrum: U.S.(Netflix).  Feel free to watch the trailer.

Challenges of Dating & Being on the Autism Spectrum

What did Love on the Spectrum(Netflix) have to do with the blog?  Well, being an adult with ASD with friends who are also on the spectrum, forming relationships of any kind, can be challenging.  When you are autistic, it is common to have challenges with social communication as well as social interactions.  

I've found that a lot of the times in my life, I have struggled with boundaries and knowing what information is too much to share or what I need to share.  

A lot of people on the spectrum also have the struggle of knowing how to place people in their lives and what boundaries they need to set/respect with those they interact with.  The above video mentions the "relationship onion tool".  

Now, being on the spectrum and being an adult can be challenging.  Especially with dating.  Around 50% of all adults with autism live with a member of their family. "Old research shows that about 5% of autistic adults are married or have been married in the past. 9% of autistic adults are married, while 32% have a romantic partner" (DiscoveryABA).  32% is a low number for people on the spectrum who are dating or have a romantic partner.  These numbers are surprisingly low and should be changed eventually.  

Boundaries are good

What is a boundary?  A boundary is a limit that is set between one or more parties.  I know that I have struggled with this, but recently, I feel like I have been better at doing so.  For someone who is on the Autism spectrum, sometimes it can be hard to set a boundary or respect a boundary that someone has set up for you.  

WHY ARE BOUNDARIES IMPORTANT?

We all know that as humans, we need social interaction with people.  Here’s the thing, we’re not all going to agree on certain topics.  If you live in America you can argue that we have the freedom of speech as a right, but rights are privileges and most of the time they can come with consequences.  Words are powerful no matter what language.  Yes, you can look at them as just sounds or weird shapes, but mankind has been around for thousands of years and has used words as ways to express feelings and thoughts and ways to describe actions, objects, people, places, and basically anything else.  Sometimes the words people say can offend others around us.  Growing up, my parents have taught me that when you are talking with a group of people, you have to avoid topics like religion, politics, and any other topic that comes across as controversial.  However, when I meet new people, I have tried to establish boundaries by figuring out where we can set the boundaries with each other.  I briefly discuss their views on politics by asking what they believe in and state that if we don’t agree on it, we won’t talk about it again.  (I don’t unfriend people based on their beliefs.  Unless they try to force me or threaten me to agree with them.)  For others, it can be hard to set boundaries like that.  If this is something you struggle with, I would commend you to avoid those topics in general.  If they come up, try to avoid them. 

In my autism program, I have experienced a classmate who has had a lack of respect for the boundaries I have laid out for them.  (By means of privacy as a means to respect this individual, I will not disclose their name or gender.)   It hurts my heart because to me, this isn’t how a friend should be.  They have been known to bring up extremely controversial topics, where they know I’ve talked to them many times about how I feel about those topics and would rather that we just avoid those topics.  They don’t like how I set that boundary.  Which has unfortunately caused me to set further boundaries with them (for other reasons too) by sharing that I am only comfortable with just being classmates.  As of right now, they are not okay with that.  This situation has made me realize that I have probably done this before to others.  If I have done this to you and you are reading this, I am sorry!  I now know what it feels like to have your boundaries tested by someone who doesn’t want to respect those boundaries.  

HOW CAN BOUNDARIES HELP?

When communicating with people in your life in a healthy and positive way, explaining why you need to set any kind of boundary will help you in the long run.  Saying things like, “I would love to go to the movies with you, but I am broke and cannot afford to go right now.  Maybe after I get paid, we can go” expresses that you don’t have the money since you probably just spent all of your money on bills and expenses and it tells the person who invited you that you can’t go for that reason.  If the person disrespects the boundary, you can either give them a chance to fix it or explain to them that you might need to take a break from doing things with them since you don’t feel like they are respecting the boundaries you have made with them and for them. There are many other ways you can express boundaries in a nice way.  We all want to make and keep friends, right?

Boundaries are made and set so that people don’t get hurt.  Getting along with others can be challenging, especially on the spectrum.  After putting my mental health first this year, I feel like boundaries are important things to have in any relationship.

Can I BE Any More Depressed? A Special Interest Tribute to Matthew Perry

 “I’m hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!” (Matthew Perry/Chandler Bing, 1994-2004).  One of my absolute favorite quotes from Matthew Perry who played the beloved Chandler Bing on the hit 90’s sitcom Friends (1994-2004).  Anyone who knows me, knows that my comfort show since 2012 has been the show Friends (1994-2004) and the characters that I relate to the most right now are, Chandler Bing and Phoebe Buffay, played by Matthew Perry and Lisa Kudrow.  If you have been up to date on the news this past week (October 23-29), you know that there is a war going on in Israel, there was a mass shooting in Lewiston, Maine, and by the way Matthew Perry suddenly passed away Saturday October 28th at the age of 54.  As devastating as the other top stories in the news from this last week are, the news of the sudden passing of Matthew Perry hit me the most.

Being on the spectrum, like I talked about for FanX, you might have a hyperfixation (or more).  I’ve been hyper fixated on Friends (1994-2004) for the longest time.  I was born halfway through the show’s run on television, and my parents were the same age as the characters on the show when it was airing.  Which means, they were almost going through the same things as the characters on the show were.  If you don’t know what it is about, the show Friends (1994-2004) was on the air for ten seasons.  It aired on NBC as part of their “must-see-TV” on Thursday nights.  It takes place in New York City, New York, and is about six friends who are in their mid-twenties who are in the stage of life where your friends are like your family.  The show ends when the cast is in their thirties and moving on with their separate lives.  As you can tell, I am passionate about this show.  I could go on and on about what this show is about without spoiling anything.  To prove how much of a fan I am and how much this show means to me, I did a psychology assignment on this show using the psychologist Erik Erikson’s developmental stage of intimacy v. isolation (which is a stage of development that takes place during your early adult life).  As someone who is where they were in the first season with trying to figure things out, it has become more relevant to me as I get older.  I remember vaguely watching parts of the last 

season of the show with my mom as it was airing on TV.  I was about six-years-old when the show ended, but again, I remembered watching parts of the last season with my mom. 

If you have experienced the death of a loved one, you know that grief is hard and different for each person.  I will say that each relationship I’ve had that’s no longer alive, I have grieved differently than the person before that.  For example, I knew that my mom’s mom (aka my Mema) was dying and the emotions were almost like depression and acceptance, but sometimes since she’s been gone for so long, I will feel denial and depression and will find myself uncontrollably crying.  When my Grandma Collier passed away, I was in shock.  I wasn’t expecting her to pass away so suddenly.  I remember talking to my aunt on the phone and sobbing so hard that my makeup came off.  When I found out that Matthew Perry died, my friend texted me in caps that he died and I wanted to make sure that she was right.  She was.  Three different entertainment news outlets had posted the news. Mortified. Shocked. Heartbroken.  No words could come out of my mouth to express how I felt. He is between my mom and dad’s ages.  He was only 54-years-old when he died.  If you do not know about his sad life, I would read articles about it or even his memoir that he released in 2022 about his drug addiction.  

I know I don’t know Matthew Perry personally, but his character Chandler Bing, was one of my favorite characters on the show and it really hit home when I found out that he died.  I don’t know if it’s the neurodiverse part of me that is reacting this way or what, but it was how I reacted.  Now, less than 24-hours after news broke on the matter, I am still in shock and on the verge of tears.  Rest in peace Matthew Perry.  Thanks for all the years of laughter and joy you brought to this world.  I know I didn’t know you, but your character Chandler was a relatable character who you brought to life.  Thank you again Mr. Perry.  Your legacy will live on.

Mental Health & The Spectrum

Have you ever had a day where you feel like you are just too unmotivated to do anything? Mental health can do that to you. For years, society has been known to keep issues like mental health on the down low by basically ignoring it. We as humans are born with basic emotions. As we grow, develop, and become a member of society, those emotions grow and develop too. We also have some emotions that become an additional part of our lives as we go through different kinds of experiences. We are all born with different areas of health in our lives, such as: our physical health (the part of our health that has to do with our physical bodies like what we eat, our looks, our heart health, etc.), our spiritual health (the part of our health that we use to connect to whatever higher power we believe in and how we practice those beliefs through prayer, meditation, etc.), our sexual health (this is the part of our health that involves our reproductive organs and how we take care of them–even if we aren’t active), and our mental health (which is the part of our health that involves our brains, how we see ourselves/our self-esteem, etc.). Today, is all about mental health and being on the autism spectrum.

We all have different ways on how we deal with mental health. At some point or another, we have all gone through situations that trigger our mental health in some way. Personally, I believe that mental health is the number one aspect of our health that we need to be better at. In today’s world, it is hard to find someone’s life that isn’t our own and be jealous of it. Whether it be where the individual is at or if they are looking extra beautiful in that photo or video that was posted. A lot of people view social media as a negative effect on mental health. I won’t get too much into my beliefs on this, but in a nutshell, I would have to say as much as some of that is true there are positive aspects to social media. We all experience mental health differently. Two of the most common mental health “emotions” we deal with are anxiety and depression. If you have never felt anxious in your life, you are one lucky person. Anxiety is the fear of the unknown. Depression is the negative way(s) we feel about a certain situation or aspect of our life. As someone who is on the autism spectrum, who processes and deals with emotions differently than someone who is neurotypical, anxiety and depression are two things that I have struggled with tremendously for a long time now.
Being autistic or being neurodiverse can greatly impact how someone experiences mental health challenges. I know people who are on the autism spectrum, who will have moments where they seem fine and then anxiety and depression hit and they’re showing a different side of themselves. I have been known to be one of those people. It can be hard. Why? Because when I am doing great mentally, I show my outgoing and friendly side. When I am struggling, I act shy and distance myself. Lately, this has been what I’ve been doing, which isn’t the best, but we can’t always have every day be full of rainbows and butterflies.

 
Again, why is mental health important? When you’re going through a depressive episode, it feels like you’re in a dark room or you’re dealing with a bad rainstorm where it can be a struggle to see the light at the end of it or even the rainbow. 

 

If you are struggling with a bad episode of mental health, call 988 to talk to the Suicide Prevention hotline (especially if you are SEVERELY suicidal), talk to a friend (or more) that you can trust to be vulnerable with, write down your thoughts in a journal, meditate, make sure you are eating healthy, and/or get an appointment to see a therapist.