How to Have an Effective Conversation: Online & In-Person

 

Have you ever seen a game of ping-pong be played?  The ball goes back-and-forth between the two players until it stops.  This is what it's like to have a conversation between two people.  Having a back-and-forth conversation is the most effective way to foster any relationship.  When you struggle with socializing and communication, this is when the ping-pong technique comes into play.

Effective human communication is transactional.  This means that when we communicate with others, we send and receive messages simultaneously (Beebe & Masterson, 2012).   When we communicate with someone, there are two main parts to the conversation, which is the sender and the receiver.  The sender is the person who is the one giving the information to the receiver.  This can be anything from talking in-person or communicating via text messaging or emailing another person.  The receiver is the person who is the listener who interprets the message.  

The ping-pong method can be related to the transactional communication model of communication.  I know that reaching out can be hard, but if we want to have an effective relationship with someone, using something like the ping-pong method can be a great way to practice having back-and-forth conversations.
I've been talking with some of my friends recently and one thing that bugs us is people who are one-sided when it comes to communicating.  I can understand that the person on the other side who is making the conversation one-sided might have a lot of other things other than autism or ADHD that are causing them to converse this way.  For example, social anxiety can be a big factor in all of this.  However, I hate to say this, but sometimes if you have social anxiety you have to jump over the scary hurdles sometimes or you'll never succeed in your relationships. 
I've found that people love to talk to people who ask them about themselves.  Conversations should be reciprocated and go back-and forth between both parties.  You'll be able to tell if a person is interested in you based on their body language.  If you're texting someone and they're not texting you back in the way you want, then you should evaluate the following: 
  • Are they texting you back often?  
  • What time(s) do they text you back?  
  • When do they text you?  
  • What is the length of the message?  Is it 1-2 words or is it more?
  • How many messages are they sending you per text message that you send them?
If you're someone who struggles with texting, I get it.  Socializing can be scary.  If you want to keep relationships with the people in your life, think about what you want to get out of the relationship.  Making friends and keeping friends can be a challenge.  However, if someone is a true friend, they will be there for you no matter what.  You just have to do the same thing in return.  What are some ways you can be a good friend and participate in the social/communication game of ping-pong?
  • How about sending the person a text back saying you're burnt out and would prefer to communicate when you're ready?
  • What's the purpose of the conversation?  Think about the purpose of the conversation.
  • Do you prefer to text or call this person?
  • How long are you willing to text this person?
  • What is the energy that the other person is giving to you?
  • Is the conversation relevant?
  • What is your relationship to the person you're talking to?  How close are you to them?  Are they a friend? Family member?  Acquaintance? Co-worker? Classmate?
How do you use the ping-pong method to improve your communication skills?  Here's how it works: question -> answer->talk about their answer -> ask another related question->repeat the process and let the conversation flow.


 Communicating can be hard, but if you show interest in a person by asking questions and taking turns, your likability will increase and you will have gained a new friend.  Next time you get a text notification from a friend, don't ignore it and reply to it a week later especially if you are on your phone a lot.  Take time to reply when you can, but don't make the person wait or you will end up pushing them away.


 If you liked this blog post, PLEASE comment down below on what your favorite part was, and feel free to share it with your friends and family, etc.  Have any comments, questions, etc. about what you were reading? Reach out to me by messaging me on Instagram or TikTok @neurospicyblondie or email me  alyssa.onthespectrum@gmail.com. 

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