Who am I? A question that everyone has asked about themselves at certain points in their lives (or all the time). This has been a question that has been on my mind for a while, especially as I have started a new chapter of my adult life after getting my college degree. After I graduated college, I struggled with transitioning into adulthood. I spent about three months after I graduated unemployed. Then, once I thought I had a job secured, after almost two months into the job, I lost it. Then, in one month, I had gone through two more jobs. Two months later, I had two other jobs that I had lost (one of them was a scam and I didn’t get paid, even though I was promised I would be). This caused me at the age of 24-years-old to really ask that question to myself, “who am I?”. By the end of that year, I was able to keep a job for 3-4 months, which was a small victory.
Who am I? That question would end up becoming the defining question of the year 2023 for me. After dealing with a lot of things that weighed down on my mental health, I realized that I needed to take a step back and assess where I am at. I will be honest, I wasn’t really informed about my autism diagnosis or how it had presented itself over the course of my life. All I knew was that I had severe ADHD and oh yeah! High-functioning autism…whatever that was. I was able to work with vocational rehabilitation services and a job coaching agency that helped me get the job that I was able to keep for 4 months. I did discover that I was having difficulties dealing with coworkers who were emotionally and verbally abusing me as well as (not knowing at the time) being over and understimulated, which caused me to go through panic/anxiety attacks. For nine months now, I have been learning more about myself as a neurodiverse woman.
What is neurodiversity? In simplistic terms, it is a unique way to describe how the brain works for people and how they see the world around them socially, behaviourally, intelligently, as well as how a person thinks. It is also defined as the different ways that a person’s brain processes information. It is an “umbrella term”, which means that it holds some “disabilities” such as ADHD/ADD, autism spectrum disorder, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and dyscalculia. Only 15-20% of the world’s population are considered neurodiverse.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have ADHD and autism spectrum disorder. What are ADHD and autism spectrum disorder(ASD)? I assume some of you know what ADHD is. ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects about 5% of the world’s population. It is the most common neurodevelopmental disorder that can make it hard to pay attention to things, can complicate the ability to pay attention, as well as self-control. It can affect an individual at school, home, work, etc. For me, it affected all aspects of my life. When I was in grade school, I remember that I struggled with paying attention to my teachers during lessons. I would blurt out answers to questions without raising my hand and I would be disruptive by talking to my friends and/or passing notes to them in class. It was hard to figure out how to fit in. It honestly felt like no one knew what I was unless they were part of the special education program. As I got older and “grew out” of the special education program, I was able to learn how to work on the things I struggled with in school. I found out that taking notes on lessons and lectures helped me to pay attention and allowed me to refrain from blurting out as much as I was doing when I was younger. I’ve also noticed that having ADHD, when I’m at home, I’ve struggled with staying focused on my homework and on other important tasks like doing chores. I either take longer than the normal amount of time it should take an individual to or I become so hyperfocused in the task that I can do it and finish it with no problem with the time. For example, one weekend a few years ago, I had a list of assignments I had to do, but I had family coming over so I had to try to see how much I could do. I was able to complete all of my assignments with some time to spare before they came and was still able to get a good grade on all of the assignments that I completed. Now, let’s talk about autism! Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is another neurodevelopmental disorder that affects an individual’s social interactions, repetitive behaviours/restricted interests, and communication difficulties, which usually co-exist with sensory issues like having over/under sensitivity to taste, smell, touch, and/or sound. Autism is a spectrum which presents itself differently for those who have it. My autism has shown itself at different times in my life.
It’s amazing how this year, I have learned so much about myself and my mental health. I have had so many “ah-ha” moments this year as I have read more about ADHD and autism as well as watching TED talks on the subjects. To anyone reading this blog feeling like they can relate to it, talk to a therapist or professional who can look into diagnosing you with such. Being diagnosed has helped me to be able to relate to people who are just like me.
If you have any questions or further insights on this, please feel free to reach out to me on social media. I recently started an advocacy page for mental health/neurodiversity on Instagram which is @agirllivingwithaudhd.
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