What is a boundary? A boundary is a limit that is set between one or more parties. I know that I have struggled with this, but recently, I feel like I have been better at doing so. For someone who is on the Autism spectrum, sometimes it can be hard to set a boundary or respect a boundary that someone has set up for you.
WHY ARE BOUNDARIES IMPORTANT?
We all know that as humans, we need social interaction with people. Here’s the thing, we’re not all going to agree on certain topics. If you live in America you can argue that we have the freedom of speech as a right, but rights are privileges and most of the time they can come with consequences. Words are powerful no matter what language. Yes, you can look at them as just sounds or weird shapes, but mankind has been around for thousands of years and has used words as ways to express feelings and thoughts and ways to describe actions, objects, people, places, and basically anything else. Sometimes the words people say can offend others around us. Growing up, my parents have taught me that when you are talking with a group of people, you have to avoid topics like religion, politics, and any other topic that comes across as controversial. However, when I meet new people, I have tried to establish boundaries by figuring out where we can set the boundaries with each other. I briefly discuss their views on politics by asking what they believe in and state that if we don’t agree on it, we won’t talk about it again. (I don’t unfriend people based on their beliefs. Unless they try to force me or threaten me to agree with them.) For others, it can be hard to set boundaries like that. If this is something you struggle with, I would commend you to avoid those topics in general. If they come up, try to avoid them.
In my autism program, I have experienced a classmate who has had a lack of respect for the boundaries I have laid out for them. (By means of privacy as a means to respect this individual, I will not disclose their name or gender.) It hurts my heart because to me, this isn’t how a friend should be. They have been known to bring up extremely controversial topics, where they know I’ve talked to them many times about how I feel about those topics and would rather that we just avoid those topics. They don’t like how I set that boundary. Which has unfortunately caused me to set further boundaries with them (for other reasons too) by sharing that I am only comfortable with just being classmates. As of right now, they are not okay with that. This situation has made me realize that I have probably done this before to others. If I have done this to you and you are reading this, I am sorry! I now know what it feels like to have your boundaries tested by someone who doesn’t want to respect those boundaries.
HOW CAN BOUNDARIES HELP?
When communicating with people in your life in a healthy and positive way, explaining why you need to set any kind of boundary will help you in the long run. Saying things like, “I would love to go to the movies with you, but I am broke and cannot afford to go right now. Maybe after I get paid, we can go” expresses that you don’t have the money since you probably just spent all of your money on bills and expenses and it tells the person who invited you that you can’t go for that reason. If the person disrespects the boundary, you can either give them a chance to fix it or explain to them that you might need to take a break from doing things with them since you don’t feel like they are respecting the boundaries you have made with them and for them. There are many other ways you can express boundaries in a nice way. We all want to make and keep friends, right?
Boundaries are made and set so that people don’t get hurt. Getting along with others can be challenging, especially on the spectrum. After putting my mental health first this year, I feel like boundaries are important things to have in any relationship.
